My Daughter Died During Lent

What follows is the story of my daughter’s death and my family’s journey through it. If you worry that may be too difficult to read the message is similar to the eulogy I gave for her. Which you can listen to instead here.

Today is the first Friday of Lent. Friday's during Lent are traditionally days of sacrifice. Five years ago on the first Friday of Lent my daughter died. That unwilling sacrifice became, in time, a tremendous blessing. Before I share some of the lessons my family learned, some backstory is in order.

In 2016, my wife was blessed with a pregnancy. We had a toddler son at the time so we excitedly hid the gender to preserve the surprise. Unfortunately there was something far worse hidden, an unwelcome surprise. Around 20 weeks into the pregnancy we discovered what doctors called multicystic renal dysplasia. In layman's terms her ureter formed improperly causing urine to back up in her kidneys leading to failure. Because the kidneys failed there was insufficient amniotic fluid for wet tissue organs to develop. Her lungs were the wet tissue organs failing to develop. As this flurry of medical terms hit us there was two phrases that stood out "not compatible with life" and "death sentence". The doctor asked us when we wanted to terminate. I sort of snapped to and the only question I could muster was, "Wait are we talking about abortion?" Every recommendation was just that. We opted to bring her to term, knowing that she would likely die within hours. For the next few months we, our family, our church, and strangers I've still never met prayed for a miracle. We prayed for healing. With tears in my eyes I asked God for any other way. When she was born it was immediately clear that her lungs were too weak. And so, I baptized her in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. My family held her. We took photos with her. We prayed over her. And within a couple hours she died in her mother's arms.

This is no easy story. It's painful to write. It's difficult to read. I want to acknowledge that if you're still here. This isn't the uplifting post you read while gently sipping your morning coffee. And yet, it is a perfect story for Lent. Christians for almost two thousand years have observed 40 days of sacrifice in preparation for Easter. Why? It's not to mortify ourselves or solely some ascetism. It's to reorient our hearts and minds. It's to free us to be more generous than we were. In the words of prophet Joel, we are to "rend our hearts" and "call a solemn assembly" (Joel 2:13,15). I can promise you on that day five years ago my heart was rent, it was a solemn day.

It was the hardest day of my life. I would not wish it on anyone. And yet, it, like a Lenten sacrifice reoriented my heart. Throughout my family could only describe our ability to face the moment as the grace of God. And since, it has given me several occasions to give answer to "the hope that is in [me]" (1 Peter 3:15). I didn't choose to give my daughter back to the Lord on that Friday in Lent; but in time I've come recognize the immense ways He has blessed my family since. He used the circumstances to create even greater faith in us, ever greater reliance on Him, and a more sincere gratitude for the gift of life that He gives. And just like the promise of Easter awaits in Lent, the promise of the resurrection awaits in death. One day death will be finally, ultimately, perpetually dead. "There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" (Revelation 21:4).

About the Author

David Hein is husband to Mindi, father to Kirk, Wesley, and Caleb and a member of Trinity San Antonio. August Marie Hein was born, baptized, and ushered into the presence of her Father on March 3, 2017.

Why you should consider making the sign of the cross on yourself

The Sign of the Cross

Growing up I always thought someone making the sign of the cross on themselves was a pointless and superstitious gesture that just made the people doing it look silly. For real.

I’ve since changed my mind.

I have now come to believe it a very powerful reminder to myself that I have been saved by Christ’s finished work on Calvary and a bold statement to those around me of my faith and hope. And while certainly not required, I would humbly suggest it is a practice that Christians of all traditions would greatly benefit from in practicing.

Here is a brief introduction into this very ancient Christian gesture:

What is the sign of the cross?  

The sign of the cross is an ancient Christian practice of marking the shape of the cross of Christ upon one’s self or upon another person or object.

What does crossing myself with the cross mean?

The sign of the cross is a physical gesture that signifies a spiritual reality. In the same way that in placing our right hand over your heart and reciting the pledge of allegiance declares a statement of belief, hope, and solidarity, so in like manner, crossing oneself with the sign of the cross is a distinctively Christian gesture that is a statement of belief and hope. This simple act reminds us that:

1. We have been bought and purchased by the finished work of Christ on the cross (“sign of the cross”).

2. We have been marked with the name of the Triune God in our baptisms (all Christians baptisms are in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit).

3. We continue to look and trust in Christ at all times and situations.

4. We boldly and unashamedly declare to the world that we are Christ-followers.  

Do I have to do it? 

Not at all! It is a matter of Christian freedom and completely optional. You may or may not feel comfortable doing it yourself, or you may not do it as often as your neighbor. That’s okay. But when the sign of the cross is made, whether by pastor or people, let this be the proclamation: Christ has died for your sins upon the cross; in Baptism he shares that cross with you; because you share in His cross, you are a child of God and are precious in His sight.

What did the early Church say about it? 

The early Church Fathers attested to the use of the sign of the cross. Here are a few comments from the first several hundred years of the church. 

Tertullian (250 A.D.) described the commonness of the sign of the cross: “In all our travels and movements, in all our coming in and going out, in putting on our shoes, at the bath, at the table, in lighting our candles, in lying down, in sitting down, whatever employment occupies us, we mark our foreheads with the sign of the cross” (De corona, 30). And in another place he said, “We Christians wear out our foreheads with the sign of the cross.”

Athanasius of Alexandria (269–373 A.D.) said, “By the signing of the holy and life-giving cross, devils and various scourges are driven away. For it is without price and without cost and praises him who can say it. The holy fathers have, by their words, transmitted to us, and even to the unbelieving heretics, how the two raised fingers and the single hand reveal Christ our God in His dual nature but single substance. The right hand proclaims His immeasurable strength, His sitting on the right hand of the Father, and His coming down unto us from Heaven. Again, by the movement of the hands to our right the enemies of God will be driven out, as the Lord triumphs over the Devil with His inconquerable power, rendering him dismal and weak.”

St. Cyril of Jerusalem (386 A.D.) in his Catechetical Lectures stated, “Let us then not be ashamed to confess the Crucified. Be the cross our seal, made with boldness by our fingers on our brow and in everything; over the bread we eat and the cups we drink, in our comings and in our goings out; before our sleep, when we lie down and when we awake; when we are traveling, and when we are at rest” (Catecheses, 13).  

How do I make the sign of the cross on myself? 

Touch your head at the naming of the Father; then bring your hand to the middle of your chest (over your heart) at the naming of the Son. At the naming of the Holy Spirit, touch your right shoulder and then your left shoulder. The Eastern tradition of the Christian church goes left to right, while the Western tradition is right to left. Either is good!  

When is it appropriate to make the sign of the cross? 

Anytime throughout the day you feel led to or whenever you desire to be reminded of God’s presence with you and your reliance upon Him. You may do it before an especially important meeting, when you are being tempted by sin, as you drive, when you pray, before and/or after meals, and when you wake up and when you go to bed.   

During the worship service it is especially appropriate to cross oneself at (1) the beginning of the service during the Invocation (In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit), (2) after the Declaration of Grace; (3) during the Creed when we declare our belief in the resurrection (“Resurrection of the body”), (4) after receiving the Holy Eucharist, (5) upon receiving the closing benediction when the pastor makes the sign of the cross upon the congregation.  

A final word

If you have never made the sign of the cross, it will feel a little awkward when you first start. That’s okay. Once you have done it a few weeks it becomes quite natural and second nature. A good way to ease into it is crossing yourself at the beginning and end of your personal prayers and go from there. It is also a wonderful way to disciple your children at meals and when putting them to bed.

May the Lord’s grace and peace be upon you!

Feast of All Saints' Day

Helping families find ways to allow the life-giving truth of Christ to permeate day-to-day life is something we are passionate about here at Trinity! Following the church year can be a great way to do this, so today we are talking about All Saints' Day, celebrated on November 1st.

What is All Saints' Day?

Originally All Saints' Day was a day set aside to remember the martyrs of the early church, who had given their lives for their faith in Christ. Today we remember not only these martyrs, but all the faithful who have died in Christ, encompassing the faithful in the Bible, the early church, the more recent past, and even friends or family members who are now in heaven. 1 Corinthians 1:2 tells us that all who are in Christ are saints. The word "saint" is derived from a Greek verb (hagiazo) whose basic meaning is "to set apart, " "sanctify, " or "make holy." This title doesn't just belong to a select few Christians but to each and every person who has been forgiven in Christ Jesus. What Memorial Day is to America, All Saints’ Day is to the Church, a day of remembrance and thankfulness.

Why celebrate All Saints' Day?

All Saints' Day is a great opportunity to reflect on God's faithfulness, to thank Him for the example of faithful believers, and to be inspired by this example. This could be a great time to share with your kids about a faithful grandparent or mentor who God used to draw you closer to Him. You might want to read the story of a faithful saint from the Bible, or a biography of a missionary or early church figure. As we retell the story of the faithful Christians who have gone before, we give our children (and ourselves) a vision for what God could do through us, and our hearts are drawn in faith and praise to Him for His work throughout the ages in ordinary individuals just like us.

How can we celebrate All Saints' Day?

Here are a few ideas to choose from for celebrating this day with your family:

1) Attend a service at a church that celebrates All Saints' Day. At Trinity this Sunday Pastor Matthew will preach on this theme.

2) Read and discuss a passage of Scripture that talks about the saints throughout time, such as: Revelation 7:2-17.

3) Read a biography about a famous Christian from history. Here are a few of our favorites:

Trial and Triumph: Stories from Church History by Richard Hannula

Patrick: Patron Saint of Ireland by Tomie DePaola

Martin Luther: A Man Who Changed the World by Paul Maier

The Simonetta Carr biographies

Missionary biographies

4) Share about the life of a faithful Christian you knew personally who is now in heaven, and take a moment to thank God as a family for this saint.

5) All Saints Prayer to pray as a family

Almighty and everlasting God, You knit together Your faithful people of all times and places into one holy communion, the mystical body of Your Son, Jesus Christ. Grant us so to follow Your blessed saints in all virtuous and godly living that, together with them, we may come to the unspeakable joys You have prepared for those who love You; through Jesus Christ, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.

(Treasury of Daily Prayer)

Let's take some time this November 1st to thank God for the faithful that make up the body of Christ; in heaven and on earth, famous or little known, and to be encouraged to trust in His faithfulness to help us and our children run the race He has for us!